Saturday, April 4, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 83 - Closet DD and FLR practitioners

Hello all.  Welcome back to the Forum.  I hope you all had a great week as we head into this Easter Weekend.  I must admit, it is becoming disconcerting the extent to which the seasons pass in the blink of an eye.  It seems like winter was here for a few moments, then just vanished. I'm just getting old I suppose -- complaining about time passing too fast and the various failings of the younger generation.

This week's topic is from one of our readers: Without naming names, do you know someone who you think might be living a DD or FLR relationship?

For my part, there are no couples we know who I strongly suspect might be into these relationships.  I do know some who I think desperately need it, but none who show signs of actually being in one. 




So, how about you?  Without naming names, is there someone in your life who shows signs of being into DD or FLR? An outwardly vanilla couple that you suspect keeps a hidden dungeon filled with spanking toys?  The neighbor who seems to receive a lot of elongated shipping packages just the right size for various paddles and canes?  That demure co-worker who displays hints of hidden kink?  Do tell.

 (Note that we have done a slight variation on this a couple of times before, where I asked whether readers knew people who aren't in DD but really should be, and each time it flopped.)

Have a great weekend.

Dan

41 comments:

  1. We know one active couple who we socialize with once in a while. Not sure they are FLR but definitely DD. She commands and he obeys and she ( when drinking wine on the deck) has made it clear her riding crop gets a lot of use. They are probably more open with us because he accidentally discovered I was spanked and we started talking about it before our wives met. We know one other couple who were active, have moved away and apparently no longer use discipline in their marriage. My wife's best friend from college is in a DD in which she gets spankings and I have personally known two other women who are or were spanked by their husbands. Both of these initiated the spankings ( asked to be spanked) As far as suspecting any other couples, I strongly suspect my brother in law is spanked by my wife's sister, but have been told that's none of my business. And yes I know a few guys who would benefit greatly from having a disciplinary wife and one couple my wife and I did talk about approaching but in the end we didn't do it.

    Alan

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    1. Alan, my apologies if you have shared this before but how did the husband of the couple you soclialize with accidentally discover that you get spanked?

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    2. Dan,

      A paddle had been left in the kitchen. He recognized it from the Disciplinary Wives web site and that started the conversation. Weirdly enough it was a paddle she normally doesn't use and the one she did normally use at that time probably would not have gotten his notice.
      Alan

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    3. Very interesting. I'm more than a little envious of those of you have people you can talk openly to about your DD lifestyle.

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  2. Dan
    It has been awhile since I commented but want you to know I read your blog weekly. Sometime last fall I wrote and related how I had ,at a wedding for my wifes niece, spoke nastily to my brother in law who was bragging about how much money he spent. Wife sent me to our room in hotel and spanked me with a belt and had me return to the reception and in front of my wife apologize for my rude behavior. I was humiliated.
    Several weeks later my brother in law approached me at family function and asked me to take a walk with him.
    I did and to my shock he told me that my sister in law, had used a ping pong paddle on his ass for his bragging and annoying behavior.
    Since have discovered both sisters use the same method for getting their men to toe the line. I never mentioned it to my wife and so we too disciplined husbands keep it to ourselves. What I do know now , is
    when he says he has had a rough weekend I know he was punished.
    Sam

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    1. Sam, do you think the wives haven't shared that they both use spankings?

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  3. Dan
    I know for a fact that both sisters use spanking as a method of control. The way I understand it, after the wedding, my sister in law asked my wife what had she done to get me to publicly apologize. When she heard
    it was spanking she began using the same method of control on my brother in law's bragging etc. My wife wont discuss what their chats are about and the two times i pressed the issue i was warned that i knew enough. At that point was told never to discuss this with him either. I do know both he and I have become nicer to each other. We both have also wondered if our father in law was also spanked, as when he is ordered to do something by my mother in law he does it.
    sam

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    1. I think many sisters share intimate experiences. If your wife spanks you and is close to one or more of her sisters there is a good chance she has shared with her sister. This has happened to me and similar experiences are recounted on several blogs. In most cases this sharing probably doesn't go beyond " girl talk" but in my case it did lead to my sister in law witnessing me spanked and as I strongly suspect my brother in law now being spanked

      Alan

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    2. Alan, our situation is very similar. My wife's older sister is the one person who knows about our disciplinary arrangement. As I have written about before, she began to suspect based on overheard comments and other such clues - and then accidentally overheard me being paddled (we did not know she was in the house). Since then, she has witnessed several spankings, and recently has even filled in for my wife and delivered the spanking on a couple of occasions. She seems to have a natural spanking orientation and she and my wife do girl talk about it frequently I think. She is widowed and is not currently dating - but if she ever does date seriously, I would suspect she would very much favor a DWC style relationship.

      Now there is somewhat of a possibility that the neighbor wife I have posted about may be the next to join the club - but right now the neighbor wife just has a strong idea, although my wife believes she may have already spanked her husband. --al

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    3. al,
      My wife's sister apparently did not believe her at first so my wife "requested" that I sit down with them and admit that I was spanked and that I benefited from it. The witnessing only happens once or twice a year. I thought I was going to be in the same situation you are with my sister in law having authority over discipline but she has shown no interest in that with me but very interested with her husband. One question if you are comfortable. What is it like to have two women and sisters at that with the authority to discipline you. I have been in a couple of disciplinary relationships so know that getting spanked by one woman can be very different from another. But I can't get my head around having two women with authority over me at the same time. Any thoughts?

      Alan

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    4. Alan, it's not quite like the sister officially has authority over me - thus far she has just filled in for my wife. After she had witnessed a few of my spankings, and even held my legs in place once as my wife put me over her lap to paddle me on one side of the couch, while her sister sat on the other, holding my legs, my wife invited her to assist in my paddling one afternoon when I had been a bit sassy with both of them. I was bent over the kitchen table, and then they took turns giving me swats. After a bit of this, my wife told her to finish me with another 50 or so while she started dinner. She was not shy about it either.

      On the next occasion, I was due my weekly maintenance spanking. However, my wife had a bad cold - but instead of postponing or skipping a week as we had done occasionally in the past - she actually called her sister up right in front of me and asked her to come over and fill in for her. And it seemed she was more than happy to do so.

      On the last occasion, so far, my wife was out of town for the weekend, and without warning me ahead of time, her sister showed up on Sunday evening (our normal maintenance spanking evening) while on the cell with my wife, and the proceeded to administer the maintenance paddling while my wife listened on the phone.

      It seems they are having great fun with me - but I do think my wife appreciates having a backup for such occasions as well as someone to discuss the spanking lifestyle with. It hasn't yet come to the point where the sister would paddle me at will or even ask to - but it could down the road, and that would be unnerving.

      Although her sister had paddled her kids when they were young (and not infrequently), I believe she modeled her adult spanking with me after watching my wife and reading the DWC pages. Since she paddled her kids and they always cried, it does not bother her at all to bring me to tears as my wife usually does. She is quite effective and actually spanks a bit harder, on average, than my wife does. --al

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    5. Alan - just a further thought on your question that arose after I had posted this. The sister and I have always got along well - even before the disciplinary arrangement with my wife began. But, I do have to say that even though there is no "official authority" arrangement in place, just the fact that she has paddled my behind a few times had definitely changed the dynamic somewhat. I find myself generally more respectful and now find myself adding "ma'am" consistently when addressing her - noticeably more deferential. Also, because the sister is widowed and only lives a few blocks away, she spends a lot of time at our home hanging out with us - and her presence, along with cute little remarks that likes to make about my red or sore bottom, seems to enhance that as well. --al

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    6. al,

      Being spanked in front of my sister in law actually has improved our relationship. We have not really become buds but there is something about being spanked in front of someone that makes them seem different and in my case has let me see qualities in my sister in law that I had missed. It is also true that the " yes ma'am" and more deferential behavior does come too.There is a certain way you feel toward a woman who has disciplined you that makes you want to obey her and please her. That feeling extends to my sister in law now even though she has never spanked me herself and probably won't.

      Alan

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  4. We socialize from time to time with a couple and the man has said to his wife, I suppose you will discipline me when we get home? they snicker about it. I have never asked about it.

    Once a long time ago, one of my female coworkers was in a weird mood and looked right at me and said 'I need to be disciplined.' That got my attention because she has a sexy fat bottom, but nevermind because I am happily married and would never cross that line. But I do think about her bare bottom over my knee once in a while.

    Baxter

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  5. The advantage I (we) have being in the BDSM lifestyle is that it's openly discussed. I occasionally get approached by men who want/need spankings, but nothing comes close to my relationship with Shilo.

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  6. A few years back, I worked with a lady in our organization who held a management position roughly equivalent to my own. She left under somewhat question circumstances, but it was assumed that she was asked to resign. About a year after she left, I was browsing through a group of F/M spanking pics that I had come across somewhere on the Net when, to my very great surprise, I found myself looking at a picture of this same lady applying the hairbrush to a bare bottomed fellow draped across her lap! There was a distinguishing characteristic that made me certain that it was indeed the same lady, and because she had put on several pounds in the last year with our company, I could tell that the picture was taken either during her last few months with the company or in the year that had lapsed since then. I would never have guessed her to be a spanker - and I have no idea if this had anything to do with her leaving our company.

    I had another interesting experience just recently. My wife and I were spending a Saturday evening with a couple we had become friendly with. During that time, the alarm went off at the guy's office - which was a converted house where he conducted his business. He said it was not the first time and was probably a false alarm, but that he should and go and check - it was only a few minutes away. I went with him just in case he should need some help and for moral support. It was a false alarm, but we went through all the rooms, and along the way I happened to poke my head into a closet - when I ran right into two paddles lying on a shelf . One had holes and one did not, they were about the size of those the DWC used to carry (School Marm, and Holy Terror) but they could easily have been from somewhere else (we have both of those paddles and the DWC Old Reliable, but only Old Reliable has DWC wood burned into it.) I didn't mention it and, of course, there is know way of knowing exactly how and even if they are put to use - whether with his wife or someone else, or whether he would be the top or bottom. They were in the closet off the private bathroom in his office, so I assume they were his and not an employee's. My wife still keeps a hairbrush in her office and I received many after hour paddlings on the couch in her office - frequently when the kids were at home and she would take me down there like a trip to the woodshed (it was only a 5 minute drive) - and still so occasionally for one reason or another. --al






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    1. Almost for certain someone is getting spanked here and impossible to know who, but it sort of raises another question not explored on here that I remember. And that is what is the difference if any between the dynamics of F/M spanking and M/F spanking. Is it basically the personalities involved or is gender a factor?. Part of this question is the imbalance between the two . Undoubtedly F/M spanking has increased in the internet age but M/F spanking from all appearances has many more practitioners. So what is the difference?

      Alan.

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    2. Alan, I don't really have an answer to your question except to say that M/F is still more "socially acceptable" (at least in the US). I do agree that F/M has increased in the Internet Age (Thank You, Aunt Kay!), but that M/F is still far more widespread. As has been discussed here before, there is definitely "a loss of masculinity" in the perception of many men and many women - that undoubtedly is holding back the more rapid growth of F/M. I've always believed that F/M made more sense because it helped balance the male's biologically greater size and strength (in most cases).

      Side note - I noted that you also used a capital F and capital M in the F/M equation. I have noticed that others use a small m to denote that the man is the submissive. I also use caps because my earliest exposure to the spanking community was the old Newsgroup spanking groups where stories were frequently posted - real life and fiction alike. These stories were always coded in the spanker/spankee fashion. But on the newsgroups - a capital signified adult and a small letter signified child. So if someone wrote a story about how there Mom used to paddle their behind (and it was understood that stories involving minors remained just about disciplinary spanking and nonsexual) - it would be coded F/m (for a boy instead of a man). A DWC story would be F/M (for a man being spanked). Just a bit of trivia for the group. --al

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    3. Those are both great, Al. Thanks for sharing. I've often wondered whether I would eventually see someone I know in a spanking-oriented picture, given the sheer amount of that material that's out there.

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    4. Regarding the pic of my former business associate, ever since seeing that pic, I've wondered how such a pic of her could have ended up on the Net. While I probably would not have guessed her to be into spanking, it's not really a shock - you never know what people do behind closed doors (as those of us here know all too well). What is surprising, given her career and position (she found a similar position elsewhere after leaving our company) is that the pic should exist at all. I don't know if she was naive and trusting enough to let someone take one on the promise it would be private, or if she didn't really care if someone found out (again, a naive viewpoint given the business world), - or if perhaps it was taken surreptitiously with a cell camera - or even a hidden camera. A curious situation - and anybody's guess I suppose. --al

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  7. Thinking about the question specific question Dan posed, there is now, of course, a lot of suspicion about the couple I just talked about it in the above post - but again, it is not possible to know to really know how those paddles are put to use - if at all. My wife is intrigued, however, and is going to make it a point to get to know the other wife better and see if she can get any clues, without being obvious.

    Otherwise, the only couple we might suspect, is a couple that lives down the street. I had posted earlier about my wife suggestion to the neighbor wife that she should consider taking a hairbrush to her husband's bare behind - when the neighbor wife kept complaining about his behavior. The neighbor wife had then asked her how that worked for her (my wife) - and my wife has replied "Oh, quite well". Except for her sister, who knows the whole story (well, the spanking part anyway), this was the only time my wife has said anything so forthright about disciplinary relationship. She did do in such a way that it could be played off as a joke if necessary. A few days later the husband asked me what was up with my wife telling his wife that he needed an ass whipping. While secretly panicking, I managed to laugh - and said "No comment, my friend - maybe you should ask my wife" - and let it go. I asked my wife about it later and said that the other wife had told her husband about the suggestion - with the implication that she had at least warned him that he might get paddled. My wife suspects that he probably has got a taste of the paddle by now - the other wife had hinted at such without outright confessing. --al

    But I sure can think of several couples that could definitely benefit from a DWC marriage!

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    1. Al, you seem to be running with a wilder crowd than I. Well done!

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    2. Dan, interestingly it does seem that spanking (and such) is currently a bit more out there in the main stream culture. Shades of Grey, perhaps. While the book and movie have both been widely criticized by the the critics and the spanking community, it does seem to have spanking references somewhat more commonplace - and perhaps in a more serious tone, instead of the usual snicker attached to a spanking comment. While criticized by the spankos, it may actually be helping the cause. I would not be surprised at all if the paddles that I encountered were acquired under the influences of the Shades of Grey - but then they may have been around for years, as many of the ones at our house have.

      And perhaps the couple that my wife has been "jokingly encouraging" may also be under the influence. My wife told me that the wife had read it - perhaps she decided it might work better with a role reversal. --al

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    3. I don't doubt that the books have encourage many couples to at least give some form of kink a try. But, it is still troubling that the one and only spanking scene in the movie is treated as a form of abuse from a profoundly fucked up guy. And, on a less preachy point, I finally figured out why the book was so successful when I realized it was really not about kink, but about a woman saving the poor screwed up guy from his own excesses -- a theme that has been explored only a few thousand times. But, I will grant you that if, on balance, in results in a little less judgment and condemnation of people in alternative lifestyles, that is probably a good thing. Though, as I've said before, I'm not so sure exploring these things would be nearly as compelling and interesting if they were more commonplace.

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    4. Dan
      I could not agree more about the success of Shades of Grey. Its success with women I believe is because through her sacrificing herself to him slowly she guides him into a sane and happy married life. A life I might add that is minus any sort of kink. Instead this man will find the joy of frolic on their lawn with wife and children. Sorry for my take on this. Better here than me carrying on at a dinner party.
      peter

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    5. Peter, exactly. Isn't it interesting that so many people love this story about a really kinky guy getting tamed, while most of us in thiis forum have, over the course of ourl lives, consciously tried to INCREASE the intensity of our kinks?

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    6. I have not even bothered to read the book or see the movie, despite my interest in kink - just have not heard much positive about it from the kink community - or the critics for that matter. I guess my original point was that it does seem to have made kink somewhat more "socially acceptable" as of late - and inspired some vanilla folks to experiment. And who knows, it a round about fashion, some may find themselves here eventually. --al

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    7. First time I have commented. My wife spanks me at my request for discipline. She has come to enjoy it and there are times I wonder what the hell I have done. But my comment or question is whether there are wives who initiate spanking without being asked just because they want it or think it is necessary for their marriage. That really is the male fantasy I think that your wife will decide unasked to take your pants down and warm your ass without being asked or expected because she has decided you need discipline.. Does that ever happen?

      Tom B.

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    8. Hi Tom, I think there are a few of us here who are in authentic Disciplinary Wife relationships - where our wives take the initiative in deciding to spank us for punishment or disciplinary reasons - and in some cases just because they need to relieve some stress or just because they enjoy it and want to have some fun. All these scenarios certainly apply to our relationship.

      Our disciplinary arrangement was initiated because I confessed to a spanking fantasy during a night of candid conversation with my wife - although she soon found that she enjoyed the power and quickly progressed to becoming a full fledged disciplinary wife. I believe that I have heard others here share similar stories - where it started at the husband's request, but then evolved into a true Disciplinary Wife relationship - perhaps yours will eventually as well. But - be careful what you wish for! --al

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    9. Hi Tom. Thanks for joining in the conversation. Thanks for joining, and I hope you do it more in the future. I think All underplays it a bit in saying that "a few" of us are in authentic DD relationships. I think in many, probably a majority of cases, the male initiates the DD relationship by confessing an interest in disciplinary spanking. How long or to what extent the wife takes the initiative from there varies, but in many cases, she gets into and takes the reins. But, while I think we have had polls that touched on this, maybe this is a good one to do or do more head on

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    10. In the latest sign of my premature and rapidly escalating senility, it appears we did a poll on this direct topic just five months ago. Here were the results:

      Who initiated the disciplinary relationship:

      Discipline receiver 107 (84%)
      Discipline giver 20 (15%)

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  8. (Off topic - last week's topic)
    Motivations - once again, due to a heavy work load, I missed last week's topic, so I will include a brief note here. Since this question was addressed as well, I asked my wife about it, even though we had discussed it many times before and I knew the answer.

    For my wife, the motivation is very clearly is the sense of power that spanking me gives her. She appreciates the other benefits the lifestyle has brought as well - such as improved intimacy and openness and improved behavior on my part - but what she truly loves about being a Disciplinary Wife is the power that it imparts to her.

    She sensed this at the very beginning. As I have posted before, one night over a bottle of wine, we shared our secret sexual fantasies. And to my vast surprise, I found my previously very plain vanilla wife paddling me with a ping pong paddle that very evening. And to her equally great surprise, she discovered that she liked the way that my bottom would flinch, the way my legs would kick, the moans, and the coloring of my behind. Before that first spanking was over, she realized she really like that sense of power. I was over her lap again the next morning, and she never looked back - she was a Disciplinary Wife.

    It is actually somewhat difficult to articulate the exact motivation that I would have for signing up to get my bare ass blistered at least once a week (maintenance) - and usually more often than that. But, like others here, I am very much an alpha male at work and in most areas my life - and there seems to be this deep seated need to let this go on occasion, and submit to the one I love and trust the most in a way that causes me to lose all control in a very primal way. --al

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  9. Dan

    Last summer one of the sweetest couples i knew in the neighborhood were moving.
    He was a retired Marine and she a school teacher. They had no children and were
    planning to move to Hawaii. They held a moving sale and I bought two cartons of
    leather bound books. I left them in the cartons and forgot about them in our storage
    room.
    Around Christmas, as I was looking in the storage room for wrapping paper, I knocked
    one of the cartons of books off a shelf. The books spilled out onto the floor along with
    some older polaroids pictures that must have been tucked in the books and long forgotten.
    There were about a dozen pictures of the Marine bare bottomed and bruised, his
    hands tied to a saw horse. There were also a couple of polaroids of belts, a riding crop and several brushes. There was one picture of his wife dressed and wearing heels smiling as she stood next to his bruised and exposed bottom.
    So you never know, do you !
    Anna

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    1. Hi Anna,
      This speaks volumes to how hard it is too know who might be into DD if they conceal it and many probably do for a variety of reasons. Everyone has an absolute right to privacy and keeping a DD relationship private is prudent with friends or family that are judgmental or close minded ( not a rarity). But for those experiencing the joy and .fulfillment of a DD relationship, concealing it never seems quite right and just as bad it creates the impression that DD is uncommon.

      Alan

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  10. One more thought on our suspicions. I know it is very easy to read what is important to us into other situations, so what might seem like spanking clues may mean nothing. Given that, my wife and I (and my wife more so than I) have been somewhat curious about her first cousin. They are similar in age and grew up playing together and then hanging out as teens - and we are still friends with her and her husband, but only see them three or four times a year as they live a couple of hundred miles away now. But when we do see them, there is a dynamic that has even been noted by others - in the deference that her big (and he's a muscular, tall guy) husband gives to her (and she is on the petite size). It is definitely noticeable and to a DWC couple, it sure seems like a clue - but it could just be personalities and adoration. However, since FB came along, it has been interesting to see them post occasional cartoons related to spanking. He had posted one about adults loving what kids hate - naps and spankings. And she had posted a pic that showed a little girl pointing a switch as a little boy with some cute remark - that sort of thing from time to time, and more than a couple. So we wonder.... --al

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  11. I had a boss who used to make spanking related comments to me. She talked about taking her family on an arduous vacation she had chosen and when I asked if they complained, her answer was " I do believe in spankings". Another time I was in her office and when she heard about some screw up, she said "Someone is going to get caned". On St. Patrick's Day, I didn't wear green and when I walked into the break room she pinched me hard. I called her a sadistic bitch and between the pinch and my reaction, everyone in the break room was looking at us. She thought for a second, nodded and said "That's about right" I don't think I ever heard her make this type of comments to any of the other employees. Maybe she got a vibe from me.

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    1. My wife would give you much more than a vibe if she heard you calling another woman a " sadistic bitch" That lady was either a serious disciplinarian or she liked to talk the talk. I have heard women throw spanking threats around in teasing fun but in the U. S. at least when a women starts talking about caning she is probably talking from experience. Its surprising she didn't follow up on you if she sensed you were a spanko but the "sadistic bitch" comment might have warned her off.

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  12. Just after graduating college I taught high school for two years. My first year was a disaster and I frequently was in the principals office begging his mid 40's and attractive Administrative Assistants for help bailing me out of one problem or another. One day the senior of the two said to me something like " I think you need a good spanking" Then her friend looking me right in the eye asked me how long it had been since I was spanked. I blushed furiously as I used to do in those days whenever spanking was mentioned and quickly got out of the office. For months I was convinced they knew I was a secret spanko and maybe they did. Today I still think they were spankers but in those days I was too shy to ever push it with them. A lost opportunity I think.

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    1. You guys are convincing me that spankos are all around!

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