Saturday, March 7, 2015

The Forum - Vol. 80 - Reporting, plus New Reader Poll

Hello all.  Happy Saturday.  I hope you all had a good week and have a relaxing or stimulating weekend ahead, depending on your preferences.

This week's topic is about how bad behavior comes to the attention of our DD wives.  Personal observation obvioulsy plays a major role.  But, what other means do our Disciplinary Wives have, or have they imposed, to gather the information necessary to keep us in check?

Self-reporting?  If so, do you have a particular system in place? How well does it work?  Have you thought of any effective mechanism to prevent him from cheating by just not telling?

How about informants? Is there someone in his life who will rat him out for bad behavior, such as Anna's relationships with some of Peter's workplace colleagues?  Monitor spending, internet use, emails, etc.?  One of our FLR wives and bloggers who is all about finding concrete ways to transform FLR goals into FLR daily reality recommends making him keep and submit a daily journal. 

I have also posted a new poll.  The topic is a little squishy, and it's a hard one to do within the inherent limitations of a poll with pre-formed answers, but it tries to quantify the motivations underlying the disciplined husband's interests in pursuing a DD lifestyle.

I hope you all have a great week.

Dan

26 comments:

  1. Congratulations on starting a journal! I've been using that with Shilo since the very beginning of our relationship and I have discovered it is very helpful in discussions about his feelings and behaviors. It enables him to express himself without interruption or distraction, and it gives me the opportunity to think out a response or plan of action without his presence. this does not mean that using a journal is always perfect. we often miss the nuances that would be picked up in normal conversation. This is where emoticons can be very helpful. No, I am not fond of them, but it does help me to understand. Too bad computer programming does not pick up on how someone feels when they write things. It would make life a lot easier.

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    1. Yeah, I'm a big fan of emoticons in electronic conversations. Emails (and blog comments) can convey an unintended tone without them, usually coming off as harsher than was probably intended.

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  2. Joint reporting or admission of guilt. Recently I made a very bad error and my wife determined that what I did was bad. We talked it over at length and while I was forgiven, I suggested she punish me for it. She agreed and paddled me very hard 15 or so times on my bare bottom. It cleared the air. We have been married for 31 years and talk about everything.
    Baxter

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  3. We don't have a "reporting system" however when I do deserve punishment we have a routine that is followed. I stand before her in just my panties. She tells me why I'm about to be punished and scolds me. Just prior to getting into position (we don't use OTK for punishment she wants a good swing) I'm asked if I have anything to say. What that means is do I want to tell her about anything that she has missed. I have a choice of telling her or not. If I don't and she finds out later it means another punishment spanking which I hate. So I always tell her of other things I've done wrong or missed doing, she scolds me more for it then tells me the position I'm to get in and after punishment all is forgiven.
    archedone

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    1. Thanks, Archedone. I should use OTK as a future topic. It is the most iconic discipline position, yet it does seem to be lacking terms of swing and force.

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    2. I agree... with the idea of OTK as a future topic. It has been, for me, the number one position. When I used to fantasize, and still do, to some extent, about a good ol' fashioned spanking, it occurred with me naked, and over her knee/lap.
      Merry and I have tried this position a few times. But I am 6'4, and she is 5'8. My broad hips over her short legs often has comical results. The best way she's found to make this type of position work, is with her on the bed, legs extended straight out,sitting upright, her back supported by the back of the bed, and then me stretching out prone across her lap.
      And yes, this position does lack in application of force of swing. Our larger paddles or canes or leather tawse or not very useful in this position.

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    3. What Shilo wrote is true. It just fails to yield good results

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  4. My wife has a keen eye for spotting my misdemeanors and promptly proceeds with the appropriate punishment but if, for some reason, she hasn't noticed it yet I often anticipate what is bound to happen by appearing before her with my pants at half-mast while handing her the kitchen spoon, the hairbrush or the martinet, which she will proceed to use, unless she orders me to fetch a different instrument (and I get no remission for volunteering)...

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    1. Thanks, Anonymous. Self-reporting is core to many DD relationships. It sounds like you are diligent in your reporting and she is diligent in taking action.

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  5. When we first started, especially since we had multiple children at home and my wife was just getting on board with it, I had to self-report. Now that it is just the one at home who I can pick up from activities during wide range of time, my wife calls me on the things we've agreed upon. Usually I text or call her and simply ask if I need to stop at home before getting our son. Her response is usually generic, since she does not know if there are people around me at that moment. For my last spanking, however, I called and asked if I needed to stop. She answered, "as a matter of fact you do! When you get here I am going to blister your bottom!"

    I arrived home and was told she had an errand to run. I was told, "Get the bath brush, the big paddle and the wooden spoon. Then get your pants and underwear down and wait for me in the corner of our room. I'll be back in a half hour."

    I did as I was told. As I pushed down my jockeys my hands shook and my knees shook. For that half hour I stared at the corner, thinking how with only those implements my bottom was going to be bruised, big time. Then as I thought about it more I pondered that here I am, with my pants and shorts down, like I was 10, waiting for a spanking from my wife because I couldn't remember to do a few small chores that I agreed to do.

    She got home, made me face her and explain what I had done, why I was getting the spanking. She then asked me what we had agreed to, so I said, "That when I don't do these chores I will have to pull down my pants and underwear and be spanked on my bare bottom as if I were 10, until I've given up control and am crying." She has gotten to making me say this each time. She then gave me a very hard spanking and I did indeed cry. When I was allowed to stand I fell into her arms, thanked her, and apologized. It was the most wonderful feeling of intimacy. And it's been a good month since that happened, so I'm making progress.

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    1. Fred, that sounds like a very workable system. It is great that you now have that flexibility, even with one child stil at home.

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  6. I'm not generally required to self-report but there have been occasions when I've felt it necessary to bring something to Mistress' attention, and been punished as a result.

    Regarding the journal, it sounds like an excellent idea. It's how our blog started as a means of recording the daily progress of our FLR. Perhaps it's something for me to re-visit. Will you be posting yours on-line in the form of a blog?

    I wonder whether it could be the start of a community journal several of us disciplined males here could contribute thoughts to - beyond this forum

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  7. I don't know how true it is, but my wife states "Women are the Mothers of the world and know when there child has been naughty". Little get by my wife, if any to be truthful. Knowing your going to be spanked is the worse and my wife is good at that. Just when you think you got away with something, you learn you did not. The worse offences are addressed in the morning, normally after I done taking a shower, she will be standing and looking at me as I step out of the shower, a grip on my arm and dripping water on the carpet to the living room and always otk, hand first, and then the dreaded paddle. I then will stand facing the wall, time varies, either I get ready for work and try to hide the fact I was spanked, or if the weekend told to put on my pajamas and do as told the rest of the day. She enjoys the weekend spankings, for then she has the naughty little boy to correct. Nothing sexual about her spankings, she means every spank and in my pajamas I feel like a little boy who Mommy just spanked.

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  8. For us, being open has also increased the number of people who can report bad behavior to Rosa. Obviously she is the main observer of my behavior, and I too will confess things to her when I know I screwed up, but with three teens in the house there are even more ways I can get into trouble. I've said before that my situation feels like a step-step situation: most times I am very much a step-father, but fairly often I am also sort of a step-brother as well. Rosa is not shy about bad behavior. If someone screws up, they get reprimanded right then and there, and while she does not use corporal punishment with her kids, she doles out serious periods of revoked privileges to make her point....right in front of whoever is there. With me it's pretty much the same except while my punishment might include a revoked privilege, the main penalty is a spanking......and everyone knows it.

    Since there is a lot of love and mutual respect among all of us, her kids are not ones to be overly prone to tattling (on each other or me), but it does happen. We have a stack of discipline slips made for schools that are kept in a drawer in our dining room. Anyone may take one of those slips and fill it out with a reported misdeed I committed and even write a suggestion for the number of swats they feel are deserved for the severity of the punishment. The slip is left on our dresser for Rosa to see and she will evaluate the legitimacy of it and if the accusation is true, she will tell the offended party of her decision and then at some later point, administer the punishment....always with the number suggested. Afterwards I am usually required to apologize to the offended party...................

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  9. In all the years we've been doing this, I can recall only one time one kid tried to get me punished for something stupid and Rosa saw right through it and dismissed it with a warning to the kid about frivolous accusations. In every other instance, I have to admit, the slips were accurate and used with admirable maturity. Also, as with Rosa, there are times when the slips were a collaborative effort between me and the offended party. Just like with Rosa, often a thoughtless act on my part results in very real hurt feelings and the offended party is so upset that they just sulk over it and keep a cold distance. In these instances, when I realize why I'm getting the sulky, cold shoulder, I will approach the person and we will discuss things. After clearing things up, I may very well be the one to suggest that perhaps a slip is in order, though once I break the ice with this offer, the offended party invariably agrees pretty vehemently. At these times I might fill out the "offense" portion and they will fill out the recommended punishment. It is interesting to note that while the slips are readily available, it is not uncommon for them to be used most often as a result of one of these mutual discussions. Anyone here must have discovered that an admission of guilt and a willingness to atone can be very encouraging for a caring person to shed any reluctance over punishment. It is true for Rosa, and it is true for her kids. As a result I have learned things about them and human nature. So while they may be sort of shyly 'waiting' for me to be the one to come to them and apologize and suggest a "clear the air" punishment, once I do they are unabashedly bold about the punishment. Each of them routinely recommends spank numbers that are quite high and are very eager to hear their Mom agree and deliver the punishment. Afterwards, we all all "friends" again.

    Rosa views these slips seriously and executes the recommended punishment as if she herself was the offended party. And while the slips sometimes become a source of teasing, everyone knows they are no joke.

    I also know that if anyone were to become upset enough by something I did to report it to Rosa, she would punish me for it.....and if the person was one of those in our " in-the-know" circle? She would definitely tell them I was spanked for the misdeed (even though this hasn't happened.....yet).

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  10. As pure coincidence, a punishment like this just occurred this Saturday. It came as a result of a discussion with my step-daughter about how her Mom had been "making up for lost time" (the 2 & 1/2 month period her grandmother was staying with us) and how, despite being no angel in that time frame, I had "gotten away" with a lot of attitude and snippiness but was now definitely paying the price. She sort of smirked that she was definitely aware of the recent, frequent punishments, and also agreed that had I certainly given her Mom enough reasons. One thing led to another, and after determining that my impatience and attitude also hurt her several times in that period, I just bluntly asked if she felt "a slip was in order" to "clear the air" between her and me. And as stated above, once "I" made the suggestion....she pounced on it. A slip was filled out for "miscellaneous offenses" through December-February and she filled in the recommended amount, signed her name, and left it on her Mom's dresser.

    The amount was staggering and Rosa had to give it in "installments". The result was a day full of serious punishment.....because despite the amount, Rosa spanked very seriously, even lecturing me along the way. By the third installment I was really paying the price. the prior spankings had left my bottom as sore as if it had been badly sunburned, and any numbness from those prior had worn off so that only the soreness remained....and that is what the next hard spanking got delivered over. I had to be warned several times not to thrash about, but it was nearly impossible not to kick and wail through it.

    Afterwards I reported back to my step-daughter and apologized and we hugged. The following day we were doing her taxes and my bottom was still unspeakably sore. There was a bit of teasing from her Mom about it and playful warnings about not doing anything to warrant more. At one point, in the midst of the playfulness, I did turn to my step-daughter and say, "All kidding aside, that amount you wrote was pretty intense.....and your Mom put herself in your mindset since she usually gets upset with me for the same reasons, and punished me really hard. No joke, I am really and truly sore still today." And she just smiled and said, "That's good because you deserved it."

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  13. Dan

    A few weeks ago Peter & I have moved into the 21st century. We have begun
    texting during the day. So far, it has helped. Here are a few of our texting exchanges.

    Anna 9:45 a.m. Did you forget to pick up the dry cleaning Yesterday.
    Peter 9:51 a.m. Damned! I did pick it up but left it in the car.
    Anna 9:55 a.m. Thanks! You know I was planning to wear that to this
    meeting this afternoon.

    Anna 3:30 p.m. The flowers are lovely.Thank you! Just know you are
    not off the hook.
    Peter 3:39 p.m. Yes Ma'm ! I understand.

    Another text I got a few days later from Peter.

    Peter 2:47 p.m. I am feeling so out of control. Can you get a sitter and come
    down later to get me on the right track? Please !

    Every night after the children are off to bed, we talk about our texts and I find
    we are both feeling more connected.
    It isn't perfect but much of an improvement.

    Anna

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  14. We have tried different approaches over the years. She loves self-reporting but I am not good at it despite good intentions. If I self-report any misbehavior a spanking and usually a hard one is inevitable and I have trouble doing what seems to me sentencing myself to punishment. I do self-report for really egregious things especially things she is likely to find out about but other things slip by. We tried the journal technique too with a weekly time set apart to review it but like self-reporting I had trouble keeping it up and we stopped doing that. The ideal thing for me is when she makes the decision to spank and my responsibility is to accept her authority and cooperate with the discipline. I have become pretty good at that but she has to initiate it to make that work. She does initiate for many things but it puts a burden on her to monitor my behavior, so that’s not perfect either. There are two practices though we have found work pretty well. One is to combine regular maintenance spankings with interrogation. When she asks direct questions when I am being spanked or in the corner I find it pretty easy to answer truthfully and fully and she uncovers a lot of misbehavior that way. Also during maintenance I am usually asked if there is anything I want to confess and when I am bare and over her lap all sorts of things come tumbling out of my mouth during “confession time” The other thing that works for us and we are doing currently is scheduled behavior reviews ( usually twice a month, 1st and 15th ). I am not spanked during behavior reviews or that day but we talk and she asks questions and on the basis of the behavior review she determines if discipline is necessary and if so it is usually the next day but never on the day of the review itself. Most of the behavior review has been her idea, She feels if there is never immediate punishment (and sometimes there is no punishment at all) she gets a more complete and truthful picture of my behavior. We have gone through many phases with DD but right now the twice monthly behavior reviews seems like they will be a part of our relationship for a long time. Personally I don’t like to have to wait if I am getting a spanking but I don’t get a vote on that and the rest of it does work well
    Alan

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    1. HI Alan. Interesting process in that you definitley don't get spanked on the day of the behavior review.

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    2. Alan
      I think the notion of behavior review is an excellent one. I am going to speak with Peter about including in some form into our methods. Love how we can inspire each other and in so doing perhaps find the ideas that will enhance our marriages.

      anna

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  15. Hi Dan and Anna,

    It was her idea to separate a review of behavior from any punishment and it was a good one.When facing an imminent spanking I go into an emotional state hard to describe but focus and concentration are affected .In that state it's hard to calmly discuss misbehavior and the causes and cures for it because all I think about is what is coming. But if a spanking is in the future it in some ways isn't real to me until I am looking at that brush or doing corner time. So we have some of our best communication about my behavior when a spanking isn't imminent.
    Anna, please let us know how it goes if you try it.We do learn from each others experiences. The first couple of reviews might seem strange if scolding and spanking have always happened at the same time for you but separating them can really improve the quality of communication

    Alan.

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