Saturday, May 24, 2014

Question of the Week #46

Hi all.  Welcome back.  I hope you had a great week and than you in the U.S. are enjoying the long weekend.

This week's question was inspired by the small tiff between two of our readers regarding anonymous posting.  As I pointed out, the vast majority of those who post on this blog do so anonymously.  And, the few who comment using some kind of identity use a fake name or a profile with no information.  So, let's explore that issue a bit.  Why do YOU post anonymously?  What are the key reasons that make you unwilling to post anything in you own name?  Job repercussions?  Social stigma?  Family will be embarrassed or won't approve?  And, why post completely anonymously instead of creating a Google or Yahoo account with a fake profile?  Do you have a desire to be more open about your DD and spanking relationship or desires? Finally, is there a downside to your decision to stay anonymous? Does it inhibit communicating or building relationships with other FLR-ers?  For the women, does it keep you from blossoming into a stronger dominant partner?

My own reasons for posting anonymously are multifaceted.  I do think there would be repercussions in my career if I were open about being in an FLR marriage.  Submissiveness is not a quality that gets someone very far in my work world.  Also, we do have kids, and I wouldn't want them to be embarrassed.  Finally, my wife is far less of an exhibitionist than I, and she is not anywhere close to be willing to be "outed," and she also would probably face career repercussions.  But, I do think that her reluctance to be more open about being the dominant partner in our relationship keeps her from stepping more fully into that role.  Kathy at http://femdom101.blogspot.com/  recently noted that one thing that helped her embrace her Dom role was having a small group of similarly situated women to discuss the lifestyle with.

Personally, if you removed the career and family issues, I don't think I would be overly concerned about social stigma.  And, I do think about what it would be like to be totally open about this aspect of my life.   And, although I have not been willing to out myself, I also feel like I need to have some identity, even if part of it is fictitious.

So, what are your thoughts on this?  Thank you in advance for your responses.  Enjoy your weekend, and be safe out there.

Dan

19 comments:

  1. I do not think being “outed” now in my life would be any big problem. I am a retired grade school teacher, while teaching I think it would have been a problem and when I was married both of us could not afford being outed. She was a CPA and then manager at one of the big CPA firms and back in the late 60’s and 70’s spanking was very much in the closet. In fact, I thought there was something wrong with me, feeling that I wanted/needed to be spanked and I was sure I was the only one in the world with those feeling. Those feeling go back to when I was in grade school, I even thought about getting into trouble so I would be paddled in school, but I always chickened out. I was 22 when I got my first spanking.

    I also think it would be hard for a man, if his friends knew, I think spanking is more excepted now but it still has a stigma that the man should be “head of the house” and his friends could really give him a hard time and also for the wife who is disciplining her husband, she may not want her friends to know that about her husband.

    I do sign TK which are my true initials and after reading your comments about and new idea I just may do that. Then if anyone would wish to talk more they could reach me.

    TK

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi TK!

      It's Susie. A few of my friends know about what we do, as do a select few of his friends. Most of them were surprised, because they thought it was the other way around. Then, when I have my husband show them his pink and bruised bottom, they look at me with surprise, wondering how I do it. I know that for us, we each enjoy our respective position. I think the "Head of Household" idea is less rigid now than it was 30+ years ago.

      Delete
    2. TK, I agree. Being outed among male friends would probably be the hardest part

      Delete
    3. I totally agree that the "head of the household" is not what it was 30 years ago, women are more educated and have their own careers now, we do not have the stay at home mothers we had back then. But, I do think there is a stigma that others have about men being spanked by their wives. I think this will also change but not for a few more years.

      Some of us need to have someone that is in charge and a few of us need that and a spanking now and then.

      TK

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    4. I may be wrong, but I think the stigma is related more to the dominance/submission than tot he spanking per se. To quote Susan Sarandon in one of my favorite movies, "A man will do pretty much anything if he thinks its foreplay." What I mean by that is, I think men are relatively open to kink. What they are not open to is submission. We are a "dick waving" gender, with men sizing each other up on the basis of our perceived relative strength and dominance. Are we the Alpha dog, or somewhere further back in the dogsled team? Coming out as a submissive man would seem to almost automatically lead other men to size you us as less manly, less threatening, less of an Alpha. But, maybe things change. Several years ago, the stereotype of gay men was virtually synonymous with effeminate. Now, just a few years later, we have an openly gay NFL player, openly gay business leaders, journalists, etc. So, while I do think that today being "outed" to others as the spankee in a DD relationship would be bad, in a few years, who knows?

      Delete
    5. I do agree with the submission part, other men would see us as weak, which is why I think men need to keep it closeted for now.

      I do hope it changes in a few years, to late for me, but hopefully for others.

      TK

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    6. @TK : It's never too late!
      Susie

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  2. Hi!

    I use the name Susie because I just don't want anyone to know about my online "travels." I wrote in an earlier blog of yours that I like to observe without being observed, and I would happily reveal myself to you if you asked. I'm not ashamed of being a Dominant woman, but my work is one where I feel it is necessary to remain as private as possible, at least for now. My husband doesn't know about me visiting your blog, and I'd prefer to keep it that way.

    At least by me staying anonymous I can see what men have to say about Female Led Domestic Discipline without showing who I am, and I get to look inside your heads. As for creating a profile, I'm just too lazy. I have too many profiles as it is, and having to remember yet another password would cause my poor head to explode!

    I feel it's important to mention that I am active in my local kink community under a completely different name, and, if I were to tell you who I am, I'd give that name to you. I'm sure it would be sufficient enough to remove any doubts that bart the brat or anyone else might have about me.

    I think I left you an email for me in one of the comments sections a while back. The offer still holds.

    Susie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susie. I don't recall seeing your email address. Could you either provide it again here in the comments, or send me an email. Mine is in my profile.

      Delete

    2. I sent you a message from my "real" email, and not Susie's. I feel safe telling you, and I know you'll keep my secret safe.

      Susie

      Delete
  3. I use the name of our dog as my name and I sign my entries on many spanking blogs the same way. I have no idea if any of my friends or coworkers are into spanking, but I suppose if they were, they might put two and two together as I do refer to where I live from time to time.
    Baxter

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  4. I have thought about it, but not ready. It is still something I don't wish to share with others. It took so long to have this part of my life, coming out I think will take it away. Being spanked brings me relief, something about it from beginning to end, and so will share on line, but in time I will finally put a name to it.

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  5. I am not really well educated on computers and how one could be traced--or even if that is possible---I would never take a chance knowing thats just me---I allways thought i was the only guy---loke the only guy in the world who takes a paddling

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  6. Hmmm. Is it still anonymous, when I'm posting, using what is obviously not my real name?
    I have many blogs, where my nick is Shilo. My handle on Fetlife is Shilo.
    I would not mind, I would not care, about anybody knowing of my FLR-DD lifestyle. I just don't advertise it, or start conversations about it.
    I wear a necklace with pendants, that Merry gave me, as a slave collar.
    ONE woman at work has commented on it, and I said, "It's my collar, I am a slave to my wife," and .... she chuckled, and said, "Oh, that's cute."
    One time, a vanilla friend was at our house. We were playing chess in the living room, which is where we keep our spanking bench.
    Merry asked him, "What do you think of our spanking bench?"
    "Oh, is that what that is, I thought it was for doing crunches."
    "It's a spanking bench, for kneeling on, and over, to get spanked."
    "I see."
    "And it's not ME getting spanked, by the way, it's HIM."
    "Oh," he said, and we went on with the game.

    Truth is, I would really like to meet, get together with, other FLR-ers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I see a pseudonym as one category of anonymous posting, and I think what your comments points out is there are degrees of being "out." From posting using no name, posting using a fake name or profile, to living a relatively open lifestyle but not advertising. One blog I saw a few weeks ago but now can;t find was a woman in a DD relationship who used a pseudonym, but who also posted her real picture in the profile. She said that she didn't want to advertise her identity, but if people she knew found her blog and saw her picture, she wanted them to know it was OK to talk to her about the lifestyle. I admit, that is a couple of steps beyond anything I am ready for right now.

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  8. Read the discussion in the last post, yes. I used to have full accounts on blogger, etc. but deleted them after all this "Snowden" stuff... shame, because it DOES inhibit talking with folks, and I no longer hear from some people I liked alot. Ah well... Sara E

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  9. keeping my spankings private is just like not wanting to be spanked in public years ago.

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  10. I've always used a pseudonym for my blog partly because there's a social stigma attached to the whole corporal punishment scene - partly because vanilla people either don't understand or want to understand.

    It's quite obvious that many people have submissive or dominant tendencies and would probably love to live our kind of lifestyle but aren't lucky enough to find a willing partner.

    You only have to notice how many people joke about the wife wearing the trousers or hubby doing as he's told - I know we play up to those comments with friends. Not everyone is joking of course but I think it would result in very difficult situations if anyone blatantly admits either they they punish their husband or are punished by their wives.

    It's a difficult thing for those some to comprehend - and perhaps is why people just ridicule it. I also think jealously also plays a part in their need to ridicule.

    I don't think Mistress or I would suffer directly in our respective careers if our FLR became public but both of us work in very public kind of jobs and would be open to the kind of ridicule I mention - and 'to come out' it would be an unfair pressure to put on Mistress.

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  11. I would believe that for most of us, it comes down to the social stigma involved (and to Dan's earlier point, that may be more about male submission than spanking). The social stigma, for many, may well result in problems at work (or even in our social circles - clubs, church, friends, etc) as well as embarrassment to our families (possibly the biggest challenge of all - especially for our children).

    ReplyDelete

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