Saturday, December 7, 2013

The Forum - Question of the Week #29


Hi all. Welcome back to the Forum.  I love the holiday season, hence the drawing.

This week's question stems from the following reader comment:

 "Future Forum topics? I would like to hear much more of the woman’s perspective on domestic discipline. Men seem to dominate these groups and what they say is valuable but we are missing much of the whole other side. I would like to hear more about how women deal with the family side of it (if your mother is your best friend do you tell her or not ... I did finally) How do other women deal with repeat behavior problems and frankly how hard do you punish him. I spank very hard because it gets results and sometimes I wonder if I should. Or what other women do about that and so many other things that come up with domestic discipline."

I couldn't agree more, and I would truly like to figure out a way to foster more participation by Disciplinary Wives.  So far, however, I have not had a lot of luck with that, and I am not sure why.  I suspect that some of it comes down to one simple factor: women may not spend as much time online looking at spanking and other "naughty" websites.   But, I also can't help but wonder if there just are not that many women out there who are into the F/m variant of the DD lifestyle.  M/f-oriented DD blogs are out there in abundance, and F/m spanking blogs, such as the wonderful blogs by Hermione and Bonnie, do not lack for posting by women who are into spanking, but into receiving, not giving.  On the other hand, the poll I posted several months ago is interesting on this score, because while the ratio of disciplined men to disciplinary women is "skewed" to say the least--like 20:1 skewed--someone is obviously doling out the punishment to those 600+ men who say they are disciplined.

So, here is the question.  Actually, a question and an invitation.

The Question:  Is there anything I can do with this blog, including re-purposing or renaming it if necessary, to encourage more participation from women who are either in F/m domestic discipline relationships or are interested in them? 

The Invitation:  Speak up ladies!  Touching on some of the questions from the comment above, tell us about your interests in DD.  How did you get started?  Have you told others that you spank your significant other?  If you have children, do they know about your relationship? How hard do you spank?  Do you use any non-spanking discipline methods?

I hope you all have a great week.

DH

8 comments:

  1. Sorry DH, submissive male here. But I just wanted to offer a few comment to your thought-prooking suggestions. I think we'd all love to hear more ideas explored by the dominant partners in DD relationships. However, if my good lady is any guide, then it might just be something we wish for! Mistress is quite happy in her role as the HoH ands maintaining a DD regime but she's not really interested in anything beyond that - apart from the feedback I give her from the comments we get and other things I might read on-line. I think one big factor in the lack of participation from women on F/m DD blogs is that in many cases, it us who initial drive the relationship towards an FLR (I am speaking generalisations here) and while out partners might embrace that (some more than others), it's simply that they don't really have that interest in other's lifestyles.

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  2. I have to agree with submissive male. My wife really got into spanking me, so much so that at times she will put me across her lap while watching TV and spank me just for the fun of it. I do get punishment when really called for, but she also is not interested in how other HoH are run or what they do. I might add no one knows she spanks me, that is the way she wants it.
    archedone

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  3. I have to agree with both commenters.
    My wife spanks me but she personally wants to keep that very private. 'It is something between you and me.'
    On other forums concerning spanking you see the very same : very few women give input on this matter.
    Notwithstanding, I am curious about a possible other (real) reason. Is there a certain form of embarrassment?

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  4. Let me begin by saying I am the wife of a man who is virile, handsome, very successful and an excellent provider. We were married for 11 years before I discovered that he had a standing appointment with a professional dominatrix once a week.

    When confronted by me he confessed it was an outlet he needed. As he said it I saw the boy in him. It took me a few weeks but I realized that I loved this man and wanted to give him the one thing I hadnt in the past.

    I read alot, and we talked and I wont deny there was a bit of a learning curve we had to confront.

    My husband and the father of my three boys is now also my pet and like all pets often need discipline. We dont have a set day but I see the signs that show me he is in need. In fact, we have
    progressed to a place where he can come to me and ask for what he needs. That doesnt mean he will get it when he asks,

    So to the world we are just an average middle class
    couple with a strong loving marriage. No one is aware of how we keep our marriage strong and loving.

    An added benefit is our sex ilfe has improved and
    hotter than ever.

    A Loving Domme Wife

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  5. Loving Domme Wife, thanks very much for your comment. Your DD relationship, and how you arrived at it, sounds a lot like our own. Thanks for sharing!

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  6. As I posted on a similar topic question before, I would guess that the reason that so few women (relatively speaking) seem to naturally take to the idea of being the disciplinarian in a marriage is cultural. There is just almost no endorsement for the idea - whereas there is at least some fringe endorsement for the husband using corporal discipline. I have noticed, after reading many posts in many forums over the years, that more women seem to be open to the idea as they get a little older - early middle age, as they get more comfortable with themselves and their husbands, and have acquired life experience. I have also noticed that once these somewhat older women try the idea, they often quickly become very enthusiastic and adept disciplinarians. But even then, most keep it very private because of the social stigma attached. Just a couple of cents worth. :-) --Al

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  7. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 15 YEARS.
    WE MARRIED WHILE IN COLLEGE AND FOR THE FIRST TEN YEARS OF OUR MARRIAGE, HE DID AS HE PLEASED, OFTEN IGNORING WHAT I FELT. I BEGAN TO RESENT HIM MORE AND MORE.

    MY SOLUTION AT THE TIME WAS TO BECOME A NAG, AND MY WAY OF PUNISHING HIM WAS TO REFUSE HIM SEX. NEITHER OF US WAS HAPPY AND THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT US OUT OF DIVORCE COURT WAS OUR TWO SONS.

    ONE DAY I CAME ACROSS A BLOG ON LINE ABOUT FLR. A LIGHT WENT ON AND I BROUGHT UP THE TOPIC ONE DAY ON OUR WAY HOME FROM OUR
    SESSION WITH A MARRIAGE CONSULAR. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE WE MARRIED WE BEGAN TALKING. LONG STORY SHORT, THIS WAS THE
    BEGINNING OF OUR MARRIAGE. I CALL IT THE REEDUCATION OF A HUSBAND.

    TODAY THERE IS ORDER AND MUTUAL RESPECT.
    I HAVE A REFORMED HUSBAND AND A PARTNER IN
    RAISING TWO BOYS TO BECOME THE MEN THAT WILL TREAT THEIR WIVES WITH RESPECT.

    ANNA

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  8. My husband and I got into Disciplinary spanking after about our sixth month of marriage. I simply got tired of him continuing on with his childish ways that he had carried on with as a single boy. He did not realize it, but I had a long conversation with his mom about his activities of drinking, and staying out to all hours, and missing work, when I was completely exasperated. My mother in law informed me that he didn't act that way when he had previously lived in her home, because she didn't let him.

    So one morning after another one of his escapades I sat down at the kitchen table with a paddle in my right hand. I didn't give him an ultimatum, I just simply TOLD him that his activities were going to stop, and he would be given spankings when I deemed it necessary, or he could go live with his parents again, or on his own. I gave him an open, and honest choice.

    He gave me a definite indication that he did NOT want to live with his parents, and we both knew it would be difficult for him to get by on just his own income.

    We both cleared off the table, and moved it so the end was against the kitchen wall. I then told him he was to drop his pants, and shorts, lean over the end of the table holding onto the sides. After thirty strikes with the 20" paddle it seems our marriage took a ninety degree turn for the better.

    He became more responsible, and began helping out around our home.
    The all night partying didn't end that weekend, but with a few more trips over the sofa arm, kitchen table, and my knee they eventually did end.

    No my husband isn't perfect, but I'm willing to accept that. After all neither am I, in fact I also have submitted to a spanking from him on two occasions. Because of the fact that we were willing to accept spanking into our relationship it brought us closer together, he knows he has accountability that is expected, and enforced. Now, I can say with confidence we are truly a strong couple, and I see a happy long life for us together as one.





















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