Saturday, November 2, 2013

The Forum - Question of the Week 25

Hi all,

I hope you had a productive week and didn't do anything too "naughty" that would earn you a good beating this weekend.  Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for myself.  Definitely a fairly naughty week. On to this week's question:

A common theme in F/m domestic relationships is that the man often is NOT a natural submissive, particularly out there in the day to day work world.  In fact, it seems that many participants in this lifestyle are very "Type A" personalities who often turn to DD to balance things out.  So, my question is this: If you are naturally domineering, how do you go about fostering a more submissive approach with your significant other?  If you are used to domineering others, how do you develop an inner sense of vulnerability that allows you to accept discipline and use it to effect actual change?

Thanks for participating and, as always, please sign the Guestbook if you have not done so already or just have something new to say!

DH

8 comments:

  1. For myself, being in charge is work and I find that my home life should not be what my work life is like. My wife would be very good in management, but does not want that, her home is what she manages and very well.
    I find it stress relief for her to be the manager. I especially find it proper to be standing naked, getting scolded, and then over her lap for a spanking, one that last long afterwards. I need not find a reason to be spanked, she finds them on her own. Nothing works better than the wife to take care of the household and its members.
    Standing, facing the wall, bare red bottom on display, being treated like a naughty little boy, works for me. She will give me a bath like a naughty little boy, go to bed early, and never is sex a part of this, that is seperate.

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  2. I am the alpha type to the T but when my wife becomes assertive and exercises her authority I easily slip into the obedient role without much thinking about it. The more assertive she is about exercising her authority the more obedient I become. Sometimes she can control me so much that my legs begin to shake when I stand in front of her getting scolded. We have also developed some simple rituals that work for her or me or both of us and those rituals help put me in sub space quickly. Maybe the simplest is her confidently taking down my pants and ear marching me to where I am to be spanked. Another is being sent for her brush with instructions to bring it to her. Another is holding my chin in one hand and making me look into her eyes as she scolds me. Corner time which she uses only before spanking also works to make me submissive. Sometimes when in the corner she will come over and put a hand on my bare bottom while scolding or hand spank me while scolding. Emphasizing that she controls my bottom is especially powerful even before my pants are down. All of these and some others make the transition to obedience almost auto pilot

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  3. Before we married my wife made it clear that once married she would be in total control of our home and I would focus on my new business. For the first few years my wife was my employee. She set an example. She never questioned my orders and worked hard. When she made an error i corrected her and she accepted my lecture.
    Once the business took off she devoted herself to our home and took charge. I accepted it . Followed her rules and because i am a man and tend to want to control things, discipline was introduced. I came to rely on that and her control at home. I will answer the other questions that will explain things in detail
    thanks again for this site.
    Hank

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  4. I thinks this question is quite complicated. The interest in spanking
    can start at a very young age (in my case when I was 7), maybe even before
    the boy at a later age grows into an alpha or whatever type of man.

    I see a difference between those who are spanking purists and those who are
    submissives. A spankee is not necessarily a submissive.
    There are male spankees who are pure 'endorphine junkies'.

    I think on this blog the focus lies more on F/M domestic discipline than
    on Mistress / slave relations, or am I wrong about that?
    There are ofcourse matches between these two types of relation.

    So it is important to know, what motivated you, what causes you to be the one
    who 'receives discipline' in your relation.
    Are you fascinated about powerful women? Is it regression? You want to re-experience
    certain aspects of your childhood. Does a good beating brings you in a state of
    deep relaxation? There might be many more reasons.

    The fact many males in a F/m domestic relation call themselves of type 'Alpha' is
    in my opinion an apology. Deep inside they think they are whimps. They feel ashamed/
    embarrassed about what they want. Men are raised to be head of the household and the male
    in a F/m domestic discipline relation does not meet those expectations.
    They compensate " At home my wife spanks me .... ' by saying " ... yeah but in daily life
    I am dominant and an absolute leader! ". Two personalities in one? Sounds a bit schizophrenic
    doesn't it?
    When are you being your real self? In front of your colleagues at work or when you bend over
    in front of your partner to get a good whipping with her belt?


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  5. Anonymous 4:

    I'll address the rest of your questions below, but you have the cause and effect in your second paragraph completely ass backwards. At least in my case. I have had a domineering personality my entire life, and in every aspect of my life. I did not start becoming domineering to compensate for being submissive at home. I was never submissive at home (or anywhere else) until after we discovered DD and decided to give it a try. What resonated for me about the F/m DD lifestyle is I realize I am domineering, I am in a career that not only rewards it but in many ways requires it, but that leaves me very unbalanced. DD is a way of evening things out, challenging my need for control by putting myself under someone else's direction. It's about pushing my own personal boundaries and trying to achieve a more balanced state. For that reason, it isn't about being more "real" in one state or the other, i.e. dominance versus submission. It's about engaging in one from time to time in order to temper the other. Yin and yang.

    Spanking for me simply is not the goal in itself. Nor is being a submissive. The goal for me is to be a more balanced person and to learn to give up on my need to control everything in my life.

    Yes, this blog is about DD and not about Master/Slave relationships. My wife and I are, in fact, injecting more D/s aspects into our marriage, but not to the extent that it is anything like a Master/Slave relationship. Many of the people who leave comments on this blog clearly are into that, but it's not really my thing.

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  6. I always thought I was the alpha male in our marriage,even though spanking and caning was a regular aspect of our marriage,usually as part of sex play.
    However when I lost my job 3 years ago,everything changed.My wife said that she earned enough for us to be comfortable,and I was to be a house husband,and to submit to her discipline.Even for minor offences,such as leaving the toilet seat up,or squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle would result in on the spot spanking,on the bare.
    She has a punishment diary,and if I do not do the jobs I am given to her standards,it is recorded in the diary,and,if necessary,I am punished on Friday night,bare bottomed,bent over a chair.If I only have the minimum,10 strokes,I am still allowed sex,anything over,up to a maximum of 50,results in a sex ban for the week.
    The worst I have had to experience,was when I was caught masturbating,which resulted in my getting 50 strokes of the cane on Friday,and another 50 on Sunday night,which left my bottom bruised for several weeks.I was also banned from sex for 3 months,which included my birthday,and on that day,instead of getting a present,I got a further 50 strokes.

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  7. Ifind being dressed in a baby doll nighie and a pair of bright red french knickers always puts me into a submissive and obedient role.

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  8. Further to my entry of earlier today my wife reminded me to add that along with her tawse and riding crop,she has also acquired a Martinet a small leather whip,which if I am particularly disobedient,she uses on my penis,with an obvious long sex ban.

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